Doing Pro-Active things

I have decided to take charge of my own feel goods. I have started running in the morning after I drop Kenna off at school. So far so good. I have run three miles both yeasterday and today. I feel so energized and happy, both of which I need. I spent most of this past weekend feeling depressed, lost and lonely. I miss being in my own home with my own space, but I do love being with my parents, they are a great help to me. I have lost touch with my friends and don't really have anyone my own age to hang with.
So yesterday I said I will make my own happy. I will reach out to my friends, make adult playdates, and take care of my Psyche.

I took the kids to get their hair done. Kenna had 8 inches cut off, it looks really cute and does this little flip. Arianna was not much into holding still but we got it trimmed up so it is all even, now it curls more! I will post pics when I figure out my parents computer.
I had a doughnut date this morning with Kenna at her school. We read a book while eating and drinking chocolate milk, it was fun, of course she didn't want me to leave when it was time for school to begin, this is the first time she has cried at school.
Arianna was to go on a field trip to This is the Place park today, but it got postponed until tomorrow due to the rainy weather. Hope it works out.

I haven't been much up to posting lately, I have had so much to ponder and consider in this life. With the passing of Tessa brought to my mind, again, the reality of Arianna's life and eventual passing. There are those days when she seems like any other child, learning and laughing at the life in front of her. I do so cherish the days I have been blessed with, but I also ponder why was it me, why have I been given the chance to raise this choice spirit. I know that she is here to teach me so many things, and raise me to be everything the Lord has planned for me.

Our life with Arianna has has its ups and downs, by far less downs then many of our friends, but we do have our trials. Watching her teach herself to crawl and her tummy, to sit up on her own, these things seem to have blotted out the nights of endless worry that she will not make it to another morning. I continue to question myself, did I do all that I could for her, to give her all that was necessary to make her life wonderful, happy and comfortable. She always reassures me with her death grip hugs and open mouth kisses on my cheek. I know that at the end of the day she has gone to sleep happy.

I know that my biggest trial in this life is to make sure I have done all I can for Kenna. She often gets left out or forgotten. Her feelings easily hurt. She has been through so much in the past 3 years, I only wish I knew how to make it all run smoothly, to give all that both of them need without running myself into the ground in the process. I continue to struggle with this.

I do tend to absorb what is around me, the mood or atmosphere in any given place, it is my biggest fault. I always seem to borrow others sorrow, it is not very healthy. I always want to make sure my family and friends are taken care of, I am a very generous soul. I rarely ever ask for the help I may need. One of the greatest benefits of living with my parents is that my mom wants to take care of Arianna, and is there to help me with her when Kenna needs my full attention. Even if I don't want it, but I do love her help.

This has just been my vent. My next post shall be much more fun and entertaining. Many good things have been going on.

Julianna

Food for Comfort

I borrowed these from Becky's blog, but I feel that they express so much of what is needed today. The soul needs to be fed with comfort words.


Russell M. Nelson
"Parents who have surrendered the sweetest and smallest flowers from the family's garden need to remember our Heavenly Father. He has promised a special reward to those who now suffer in silence, who spend long days and longer nights through their trying times of bereavement. Our Creator has promised glory. He said, "For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but nigh at hand."

(D&C 58:4) That promised glory includes the blessing of reunion with each child who has left the family circle to help surviving members of the family to draw nearer to God. Those children still live and are a heritage to the Lord."

Tessa Joy Bethards was laid to rest today, with the sun shinning bright in the sky. A calm and peace settled around, the joy of this little ones spirit filled us all.
Thank you to our Heavenly Father for this special gift, this special time with a choice spirit.

Angel Wings

It is with a sad and heavy heart that I write this post. Sweet Tessa has returned home to her heavenly father. Thank you all for the prayers for her and her family. The true miracle of Tessa's life was realized, given the chance to meet her parents and brothers and sisters. The love and joy that she brought to the world you never be forgotten.

Prayers for Tessa

Please pray for baby Tessa. She was born on September 30th, Full Trisomy 13 with a congenital diaphramatic hernia. She is stable and doing will on the oscillator, and will have surgery in 5 to 7 days to repair the CDH.

Her mom and my husband grew up together and their families are still close. We also went to high school together, but were only recently reintroduced due to us having Arianna and their prenatal diagnoses. I had the chance to meet Tessa today, and she is just so very beautiful. It brought back so many memories of our first days at PCMC after Arianna's birth. I grateful that this family has allowed me to be a prat of their journey, and I hope that I am a great source of info and comfort for them.

Please keep them in your prayers, that Tessa will be stable enough for surgery.

****Childrens Tylenol Recall*****

Please check this list before you give any Tylenol to your kiddos. There is a bacteria in the lot #'s listed. This is a link to the list
http://www.tylenol.com/generic.jhtml?id=tylenol/news/subpchildinfantnews.inc.

Keep your kiddos safe and healthy.

Well.....

Arianna was not able to go to school yesterday and today, she has Rhino virus. She hasn't been acting all that sick but she has a ton of snot so the school nurse told me to keep her home. I know that she has missed being at school, she loves it there. There is no school until next Tuesday, something about UEA, they need 5 working days off.

We are still trying to get settled in my parents house, I am having a real hard time sleeping, it may be my bed but it's not 'my' room. Just when I start to feel comfortable we will find a house, move and it will start all over again.
Kenna broke my heart the other day. She got in trouble for something and I asked her to go sit on her bed. After a few moments I could hear her crying really hard so I went to talk to her. She told me she just wanted to go home, back to her purple room that makes her feel happy. i really didn't know how to make her feel better, I just hugged her and explained it all over again why we were here with Noni and Papa, and how much we all love her. I told her that I too wished we could be 'home', that I also missed my pretty little house.
House hunting stinks, driving around and looking at the outsides before we even go to see the insides is exhausting. I get so car-sick with all the turning and reading of address, I told Matt I needed a break tonight, the weather has also helped me on that fact. It is sooo windy and might rain, I just want to cuddle up and watch a movie with the fam.
I have just been informed by my mom that dinner is ready, it is nice and not to have her cooking for me. Don't get me wrong we take turns cooking dinner, I am not a loafer!!!